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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22666930">Non Omnis Moriar ~I shall not wholly die~</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheseOurBodiesPossessedByLight/pseuds/TheseOurBodiesPossessedByLight'>TheseOurBodiesPossessedByLight</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Blood and Violence, Emotionally Hurt Dean Winchester, Emotionally Hurt Sam Winchester, Episode: s13e21 Beat the Devil, Gen, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt Sam Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, Temporary Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 16:13:39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,359</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22666930</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheseOurBodiesPossessedByLight/pseuds/TheseOurBodiesPossessedByLight</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>13x21 "Beat The Devil" - Canon Divergence [events taking place in the AU world]<br/>Sam won't let Lucifer get to Jack, get to his brother and friends. He tells Lucifer he isn't going to help him even if he pays the price. And so he does ... Over and over, he's trapped in killing cycle until he breaks or until Lucifer's power runs out. An unlikely ally appears to give some guidance. Will Sam manage to escape the caves in one piece? Meanwhile, Dean is left an empty shell, silently grieving for his brother, oblivious to what he's brother is going through on the other side of the woods.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>32</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Non Omnis Moriar ~I shall not wholly die~</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>~This story takes place after Sam gets killed by vampires in 13x21 "Beat The Devil" and is brought back to life by Lucifer. Things change when Sam refuses to help Lucifer get to Jack and the others and is trapped with him in the vampire-infested caves. I intend to change the ending of this episode and season and possibly a lot of canon that followed that but no worries, no major character deaths! (that stick :P)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Dialogue from the actual episode at around 35 minutes:</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>-Y-you, you... You brought me back. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>-I did. You're welcome. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>-Why? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>-Oh, well, I'm getting to that. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>-The rift. The rift. Rowena. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>-Oh, she's okay. I mean, I-I was gonna kill her, but she blasted me here before I had a chance to, so... It's great, self-defense. But, uh, I was coming here anyway. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>-But we drained you. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>-So, how did I have the juice to pull off my little Lazarus trick? Uh, that's a long story, but I was basically tracking you here, and then I came across a handful of Michael's angels and I... ate 'em. I guess it's not really a long story, is it? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>-What do you want? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>-What do I want? I want what everyone wants. I want a personal apology from Pop. I want rerun-free, year-round episodes of “Drag Race”. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>-Yeah, got it. Okay, right. We're done here. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>-Are you going? Here. It's dark out there. Yeah, they're sorta... sorta all over there, and I'm holding them back. They're just waiting for a little snap of the fingers, but I didn't want 'em flooding in here and eatin' ya again, not until after we finished our convo. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>- What do you want?</em>
</p><p>
  <em> -I want what you already have, a relationship with my son. Okay, there was a time that I would, you know, just grab him, but... I've grown. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>-Yeah, sure you have. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>-I have, Samuel. I want my son, and you're gonna help me. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>-How? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>-Well, I don't feel like he'll give me a chance unless I come bearing gifts. Yep. Boop! That's you. Look, Sammy, I'm, I'm not asking you to-to like it or to like me. All I'm asking is that you acknowledge the truth, that I was the one who brought you back to life, that I was the one who lifted you from the darkness and into the light. Okay? Apocalypse World, Michael's armies, you really think you and your family can handle that stuff alone? You need me. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>-And what if I say no? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>-All right, let me just make this really, really, really easy, easy enough for even you to understand, Sammy. I'm gettin' to Jack one way or the other. The only question is, you coming with? Or that? Your move, champ.</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>End of Canon Part from the show</strong>
</p>
<hr/><p>-Go to hell!</p><p>-You first, Sammy.</p><p>And just like that, with a snap of his fingers, Lucifer sent the ravenous vampires after Sam. Sam barely had a second to move, unarmed as he stood and soon he was getting ripped apart by an entire horde of monsters. Last time, they were only two and went straight for his neck. Now they were all over him, biting into his flesh wherever they could, his arms, his legs, his back. His screams echoed across the dark tunnels. There was no one left to answer his prayer, no angel to zap him away from this nightmare, no big brother to make it all right, no God to show him mercy. When the vampires finished their feast on him, the remains of the body only narrowly resembled the younger Winchester. The devil laughed and clapped as if he was watching his favorite show live. He took joy in inflicting pain and suffering on the man who defeated him, the man who time and again proved to have an unbreakable spirit, the man who had become a fatherly figure to his own son, a man who was in fact his only chance to get close to Jack.</p><p>-Ah, Sammy, Sammy … You just had to go and play the hero. I hope you've learned your lesson. Now, let's get on with it, shall we?</p><p>Lucifer snapped his fingers once again and the vampires stopped at once, quickly gathering in a corner as if put in a trance, waiting for orders. The archangel neared Sam's torn body and touched his chest or what used to be his chest since this was just an unrecognizable mess of flesh and bones. Light flowed from his palm and soon Sam became whole again. He came to, gasping for air but he couldn't get up from the ground. Lucifer had him pinned there, smirking down at him.</p><p>-Sooo, I take it , this wasn't a very pleasant experience for you, Sam. I don't suppose you want another round? Ready to be a good boy?</p><p>-Jack is better off without your piss-poor excuse of a father in his life. And my family will survive without me because they are strong and they've been through so much worse. You can burn for all I care. I'm not enabling your fucking plans. The answer to your question will always be no.</p><p>Sam looked terrified but determined at the same time. Spitting in Lucifer's face, he stoically said:</p><p>-Screw you. I'll die a million times before I agree to anything you offer. You're running out of time anyway. I know you're not at full strength. You're running out of grace and eventually you won't have the juice to play your tricks. Do whatever the fuck you want but you won't be able to keep doing it forever.</p><p>Lucifer looked furious but managed to keep his worry masked. He wasn't going to look weak and he definitely wasn't going to grant Sam the satisfaction of feeling victorious.</p><p>-You're really going to be like that, huh? You know, I think I'll start getting creative, just like the good old times. How about … I take out your guts myself while you watch?</p><p>Sam looked at him with wide eyes full of terror but he gritted his teeth and tried to brace himself for the inevitable. He only wished Lucifer's grace would run out fast and that his torment would end soon.</p>
<hr/><p>Six hours and 5 deaths later, the entire place had been painted red with Sam's blood. The devil had to give it to the young man. He was stubborn and despite his fear, he hadn't broken yet. Lucifer could feel himself getting weaker. He knew he had just enough power to bring Sam back maybe one more time. If he didn't manage to convince him this time, he'd have no alternative but to let Sam rot and save the last of his grace to survive in this dimension where another version of his brother was out to get him and he surely sounded powerful enough to destroy him. One last try …</p><p>Sam's ghost looked down on the remains of his body, smiling now. He could clearly see the archangel's grace was almost drained and it would all be over soon. Such a weird feeling to smile at the sight of his own mutilated corpse. He longed to be free of the devil's murder cycle, to finally be free of his grip. He would win and Lucifer wouldn't have time to recharge before Sam moved on to where he was supposed to go. He didn't think he was going to hell, not anymore but judging by how pissed off the reapers were at him and Dean, especially Billie, the new Death, he could easily end up in the Empty. That was better he figured. No pain, no struggles, no nothing. No coming back from such a place. He'd be left alone and that gave him solace because no one could deal it away. He thought of Dean and his broken promise to him: "And if we die, we'll do that together too". He felt a deep ache in his soul that he'd probably never see his brother again and he was worried about the toll his death would take on Dean. No wonder he'd blame himself. Sam only wished he wouldn't go on a suicidal mission, get himself killed in order to follow him to the Empty or wherever. He hoped he had time to say goodbye to Dean and his mother, his friends, tell them how much he loves them and that it's okay to move on without him. But such is the life he's led, every moment could be his last.</p><p>But something was off. All the previous times he died, a reaper would appear almost immediately to give him the usual talk about letting go and going beyond with them only to be snapped back to life by Lucifer before he had the chance to agree. Didn't they get the call this time? Were they too busy or just done with Sam, thinking he finds it funny to mock them by coming back to life every time?</p><p>-Hello, Sam.</p><p>Sam span around to see Billie, holding her scythe. She sure was a sight, she looked so fierce in her new garments.</p><p>-You. Sixth time's the charm, eh? You've come to collect me yourself? Please, make it quick. I don't care where I go, just take me. Don't let this bastard have me again.</p><p>-I'm not here to reap you, Sam. I have a message for you.</p><p>Sam tilted his head in confusion</p><p>-A message? From who?</p><p>-I usually don't play the messenger but seeing as this whole situation threatens the balance of the universe, I will make an exception. It's God or Chuck as you've come to know him. He's become aware of what's going on. He's giving you a chance to clean up this mess. When Lucifer brings you back, you say yes, you lead him to the camp where Jack is, where your brother is. Find a way to gather the people from your world and get ready to go.</p><p>Before Sam had the chance to ask her what that would accomplish, she hit her scythe thrice against the floor, a bright light coming out of the tip of the sharp blade heading towards Sam and becoming one with his essence. Sam looked taken aback but he didn't feel any pain, only a certain warmth, an energy pulsing through him.</p><p>-What was that?</p><p>-That was the power to open up a rift and get back to your world. Do you remember Rowena's incantation?</p><p>-Yeah …?</p><p>-When the time comes and you're all ready, you say the words and you and the others go through. Be very careful though. Only those from your world can pass the through the rift. A different scenario will have dire consequences. Do you understand, Winchester?</p><p>Sam seemed overwhelmed; he was trying to process all this new information and more importantly to prepare himself to face Lucifer again soon. He'd have to play his part well, if he wanted to get back to his family and lead them safely back home. He lifted his face and nodded decisively.</p><p>-Yeah, I think I've got it.</p><p>-Good luck, then. You're going to need it.</p><p>Just then, Lucifer kneeled beside Sam and worked to revive him.</p><p>Air filled his empty lungs, the blood started bumping through his veins once more, his previously devoid of life eyes lit up with awareness that his soul had been restored to his body. He gasped and choked, the air smelled like the interior of a butcher's shop. Not only could he smell his own blood, but he could also see it everywhere around him, on him, he could even taste the copper. He made no effort to stand. Instead, he rolled over to his side and started retching, making painful sounds like as insides were trying to get used to being in one piece again after so many times of getting ripped out of him.</p><p>Lucifer looked down on him. A disgusted look on his face. He tried to pretend he wasn't nervous about Sam's decision this time but his eyes couldn't hide his desperation.</p><p>-You about done? I've got a son to get to. Have you missed the happy times we've shared together in our lovely cage so much that you just can't get enough, buddy? Or have you had enough? You know what? Forget it. If you don't do what I ask, I'll just leave you here to rot. But I won't just do that. I'll find Dean, I'll find your sweet mama and that angel pest Castiel and rip them to shreds. I won't be as merciful as I've been with you, though. After I've had my fun, there will be no comebacks for them and take my word for it, I'll take my time with them. They will be begging me to stop and I'll tell them it's all your fault since you denied my generous offer. They'll hate you, Sammy boy. Their deaths will be on you and you alone. It all depends on your choice. Last chance, be clever about it. So, what will it be?</p><p>Sam recoiled at the sound of Lucifer's words. The devil knew his family was his weak spot and despite knowing he now had a plan to follow, he couldn't help but feel those words cut him deep. That had always been his number one fear. Letting his family down and being hated by the ones he loves. It didn't help that he also physically felt utterly miserable. His poor, abused body had been through enough. Once he managed to control his breathing, he started crawling away from his puke towards a wooden pillar which he used as support to stand up. The effort was slow-going and left him exhausted but eventually he succeeded in getting vertical. He wanted nothing more than to tell Lucifer to fuck off but he had to play his part and look defeated.</p><p>-If … If I go with you … How do I know you're not really going to hurt them?</p><p>-Sammy! I'm offended. I won't touch a hair on their heads. Pinky promise!</p><p>Lucifer's hopes started getting up. To him, it looked like he had finally managed to press Sam's right buttons. He was completely oblivious to the truth behind the facede.</p><p>-Fine. Let's get this over with. Michael's going to kill you anyway and I hope I'm there to see every second of it before he comes for us. I might as well be by my family's side.</p><p>-Is that a way to talk to your savior? Sorry to disappoint, Sammy but that will never happen. My son and I will join forces and finish the bastard for good and then we'll become the rulers of this world. Perhaps the rulers of all worlds. You should probably change your attitude towards me if you want to live under my reign. Because like I've said before, those who don't assimilate, disintegrate.</p><p>As if, Sam thought and snorted. He knew Jack, he'd seen the kindness and the light this kid possessed. He was nothing like his father and he'd never get on board with the devil's plan. Jack was pure and he did everything he could to prove his worth. Sam truly believed in him, he could count on Jack.</p><p>-Spare me the talk. Let's go.</p><p>Lucifer smirked. This was going better than he had hoped.</p><p>-The two of us on an adventure! This is wonderful. I hope you've missed my singing because I'm in a "Stairway to Heaven" kind of mood.</p><p>Sam instinctively flinched and looked away. It felt like yesterday, him desperately longing for a few hours of sleep and peace but Lucifer haunting him every moment, singing this damned song on a loop. He may have been a hallucination back then but it was still him, reenacting his favorite torture techniques from the cage.</p><p>-Alright, chop-chop! We've got a long road ahead of us. Oh, just for the record, we might stop along the way for a quick "snack".</p><p>Sam prayed they wouldn't meet angels until they reached the camp. The more grace Lucifer consumed, the more powerful he'd grow and harder to deal with. He'd only taken two steps before Lucifer yanked him from the hair and shoved him against the wall. Sam hissed and gritted his teeth; he was met with the archangel's angry, glowing red eyes.</p><p>-Try anything smart and I'll make you wish you were never born, got it?</p><p>Sam contemplated the irony. He often wished he was never born. So many things would have been better for everyone that way. But judging by the state of this alternate world where neither he nor Dean was born, he must have done something good with his life. He shouldn't let Lucifer get under his skin. He thought of his brother. He'd be reunited with him soon and all would be fixed. He'd take everybody back home and he'd make sure Lucifer got left behind to rot like he deserved. With renewed hope, he glared at the devil and kept his mouth shut. He didn't want to make him suspicious.</p><p>-Good boy, now walk.</p><p>It was going to be a long trip.</p>
<hr/><p>Everyone was starting to get worried. Dean had been sitting on the ground, his back against a tree and staring at nothing in particular for hours. Cas and Jack had tried to approach him but Gabriel stopped them.</p><p>-Give him some space. What he saw happenning to his brother … There are no words. It's a lot to take in.</p><p>It was already dark and a light rain had begun to drop. Mary couldn't take it anymore. She went over to her eldest and crouched down before him. Gently, she took his right hand into hers. It was cold as ice. She noticed he was trembling, shivers coursing through his tired body, the only sign of movement.</p><p>-Dean? Dean, please … You'll get sick sitting out here in the cold. It's been … a tough day. Will you let me help you inside? You're freezing.</p><p>A silent tear made its way down Dean's cheek. Cold? He wasn't cold. He didn't feel it. In fact, he didn't feel anything at all, he was completely numb. He didn't want warmth, he didn't want comfort. Not when his brother was lying dead in a cave full of monsters, with no one to care for his body. He'd left his little brother all alone, he'd let him down. Dean could kill Cas with his bare hands for keeping him from going after Sam. He would have surely suffered Sam's fate too but at least it was going to be by his side. They'd go together as it was always supposed to happen. He had found his mother, he had found Jack but at what cost? It all felt so pointless, nothing really mattered anymore.</p><p>-Dean, come on. Help me out here.</p><p>Dean looked at his mother, a vacant expression on his face. With her assistance, Dean got to his feet but showed no intention to walk; he was rooted on the spot. It broke Mary to see Dean like that. She had just lost Sam and had no time to grieve seeing as she was already losing her other son too as he was slowly fading away in front of her eyes. She put one arm over his shoulder, took him by the elbow and carefully led him inside one of the wooden cabins. Dean looked like a robot, every step he took so mechanical. Mary sat him on one of the cots and rushed to grab one of the thickest blankets she could find. She helped him out of his wet jacket and wrapped the blanket around him.</p><p>-I'm going to get you something to drink, alright? Something to warm you from the inside. The coffee around here isn't too bad and it's pretty strong.</p><p>Mary fetched a cup with the steaming liquid and offered it to her son. Dean looked at it like it was something completely alien and then stared at Mary, eyes full of deep sorrow. Instead of reaching out for the coffee, he tucked the blanket tighter around him, lied down on his side and curled into a fetal position. He was asleep and dead to the world around him in seconds. Mary put the cup down and finally broke down herself, let the tears run freely but tried not to make a sound, not to bother Dean who truly needed the rest. She lied down to a cot next to Dean's and didn't keep her eyes off of him the whole night. Sleep never came.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey, all!!! What do you think of the story so far? I hope you enjoyed the first chapter. I'd really love to read your thoughts in the comments. Suggestions are always welcome!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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